
Originally Posted by
Heel06
I did not "work" during the school year. However, I was a double major in two disciplines with little overlap. Both involved experimental labs or time/credit equivalent of labs every week. I came in with 30 hours of AP credit, but I always took over 15 hours - I think my worst was 21 hours - but those were not like semesters where I picked up an extra 3.0 hour lecture and a 1.0 hour recitation that met once a week. Those 1.0 labs each took up hours more work outside of the lab instruction time, which was also well longer than 1.0 hours. When I graduated, I had around 165 credit hours. Somehow I managed to pull off Dean's List a couple of times.
Yes I was in a fraternity. While I was in that fraternity, I was the alumni chair during a ~$1MM fundraising campaign that was on a strict deadline or we would have lost our house - we made it. I managed the frat house kitchen and all the fun that goes along with that including planning the food for the tailgates. I was the rep to the IFC and served on the Greek Judicial Board. I traveled to two national conferences as a delegate and went to a regional one where I proudly made fun of the nerd chapters at other schools. I was on a committee for the largest 100% student founded, planned, and operated fundraiser, which raises hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for the children's hospital. I had a girlfriend and we had sexual intercourse a lot! I was in four music ensembles, and I was the guy they called to play "Taps" when necessary for Veteran's Day. After I played Taps my senior year, the Chancellor personally told me, "Hey bro, I like your $#@!" and we exchanged daps. I went to every home football game and never left early, including a home loss to I-AA Furman 28-3, any basketball game I could, tons of baseball games, and Olympic sporting events to watch a couple bros bro out in lax and soccer. I played intramurals here and there and set the all-time record for HRs, SOs, and HBP in a single Whiffle Ball season. I even learned the names of everyone on the floor of my dorm freshman and sophomore years and still managed to never talk to some of them. I went to bars. My facebook friend who was in my first class freshman year was SBP, so I've got legit political connections, too. I was the "beverage director" for our frat parties. I did a whole lot of other inconsequential $#@! but made sure I never sacrificed any masturbation time. I didn't sleep much. If that meant going to class still drunk, so be it. Now that's responsibility.
During the summers, I got to take a nice rest. I was in class for a few summer sessions and/or worked in town 40-60 hours a week.. I took a few service trips out of state to do habitat for humanity type work.
My point in "bragging" about all the things I did is to show that just because I wasn't employed or in an internship program, it hardly means I was sitting on my ass doing only worthless stuff, just some worthless stuff. Still, I can throw myself into as many deep ends as there are hours in a day and find a way to swim in all of them. I almost drowned and needed a life preserver a couple of times, but I'm pretty proud I was able to survive a rounded college experience like that. Did I do too much? Yeah, I know I did. I made a mistake double majoring and not checking out some other majors and seeking advice from some pretty amazing resources. My overall GPA suffered, but my major GPA was pretty damn skippy. I think that's all incredibly important. Why? Because I want you to hire me almost as much as you want to hire me. And also because of those experiences, I have a very solid understanding of my limits and know when I can handle something or when I just need to cut the $#@! and get a hand so it's done correctly.
It sounds like people expect a junior associate in place of a college student these days. I can't have those same college experiences after graduation, but an internship? Give me a training manual and six weeks, and I promise that while I won't be your A+ student like the intern-hire, I'll be worth your time. Plus I'm a whole lot $#@!ing cooler than that nerd. Re-read all the stuff I did, I'm a Renaissance man like da Vinci DeVito, only not famous and much, much less gifted than he was in many less disciplines. But I tell horrible dirty jokes and great stories that are all 100% true Scout's Honor (I'm an Eagle Scout, which means I'm incapable of being anything but honorable). Before you know it, I'll be the king of the water cooler and have nicknames for everyone that actually stick and are only mildly demeaning. I also don't make obnoxious "aahhhhhhs" after I sip on a beverage, I don't bring stinky food to heat up in the microwave, I am OCD about hygiene, I don't wear loud or theme ties, I'll make coffee the first day, I keep a Costco sized box of Gas-X at my desk, and I never refer to a female co-worker as "sugar tits"..... to her face.
When do I start? How big is my office? When you say "low six figures," how low is that exactly? Is my company car an import? And I assume I'll have final say in the hiring of my personal assistant. Just PM Derka my offer, he's been apprised of the situation.