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Thread: Old southern idioms

  1. #1

    Old southern idioms

    I love these, but I am terrible at remembering them. Everybody list the old sayings they know here. Thanks. I'll start.

    Worthless as tits on a boar hog.
    Handy as a pocket on underwear.
    That fits like gloves on a rooster.
    That dog won't hunt.

  • #2
    Fuller than a tick on a dog.

  • #3
    asshat DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof's Avatar
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    Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

  • #4
    asshat tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman Shaggy Gold Club tantric superman's Avatar
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    Might could.

  • #5
    NAACP National Champ Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks has a gigantic e-peen. Snacks's Avatar
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    More tired than a double-$#@!ed billy goat in a barn full of sheep (in heat).

    (I added the 'in heat' part in the early 90s.)

  • #6
    asshat judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag's Avatar
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    It ain't worth a pitcher of warm piss.
    I'd sooner get a wooden bill and peck $#@! with the chickens.
    It ain't worth a plug nickel. It ain't worth the powder it'd take to blow it up.
    I'm busier than a cat burying $#@! on a hot tin roof.
    I'm busier that a one legged ass kicker.
    It's colder than a well digger's ass in Montana.
    He didn't know whether to $#@! or go blind, so he closed one eye and farted.
    When he was born, there was a turd and a baby . . . and the baby died.
    He ain't got the sense to pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel
    He's $#@!ed up like aggy's goat.

  • #7
    asshat DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? DigglerontheHoof's Avatar
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    He'd bitch if he was hung w/ a new rope.

  • #8
    asshat judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag's Avatar
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    Never kick cow $#@! on a hot day

  • #9
    Colder than a witch's tit.
    Madder than a wet hen.
    Slower than molasses in winter.

  • #10
    somebody screwed the pooch

    in 5 minutes its gonna be raining like a cow pissing on a rock

    its colder than a witches titty in a brass brazier

  • #11
    asshat Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico Shaggy Gold Club Fico's Avatar
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    Hotter than a well digger's ass in Butte Montana.

  • #12
    asshat MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MilkmanDan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hornsup
    in 5 minutes its gonna be raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock

    its colder than a witches titty in a brass bra

  • #13
    asshat ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge?
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    Re: Old southern idioms

    Quote Originally Posted by MaximumBarnes
    That dog won't hunt.
    Anyone who went to Baylor Law School heard that one on a regular basis.

  • #14
    asshat Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan has a gigantic e-peen. Brisketexan's Avatar
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    Are we just pissin' up a rope?

    Let's spitball it for a while and see what we come up with.

    Time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs.

    I don't have a dog in that fight.

    Hotter than two mice $#@!in' in a wool sock.

    Drier than a popcorn fart.

    I'm sweatin' like a whore in church.

    He could $#@! up a one-car funeral.

    Doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

    Dumber than a bag of hammers.

    Worthless as a bent-$#@! dog.

    Worthless as tits on a boarhog.

    Colder than a welldigger's ass.

    Madder than a wet hen.

    She done got beat with an ugly stick.



    My family uses these, and many more, regularly. We are a verbally colorful bunch.

  • #15
    Shaggy Goon MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? MissingInAction's Avatar
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    Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

    Worthless as tits on a bull

    I gotta piss so bad my teeth are floatin

    There maybe snow on the roof but there's a fire in the hearth.

    ... or some $#@!.

  • #16
    asshat judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag GORN judge roybeanbag's Avatar
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    A faint heart never felt a fat thigh

    Time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs

    She's uglier than home made soap

    She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

    She's too bowlegged to bring the cows in, she can't get her calves together

    Don't look through the screen door, you'll strain your eyes

  • #17
    For my dad the weather was either:

    hotter than a fresh $#@!ed fox in a forest fire

    or

    colder than a well diggers ass


    And, should one appear to be in a no win situation:

    you got a hard on and can't $#@!

  • #18
    asshat Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey's Avatar
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    She was all over him like white on rice.

  • #19
    asshat Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? Beamwalker is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares?
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    Chopping in tall cotton.

    I used to think it meant that we were doing well because the cotton was tall, and so must our fortunes be. However, my grandmother, who is a fair skinned little redheaded lady maybe 5 feet tall told me one day that it was because if you were chopping in tall cotton, the leaves would offer you some shade. Also there would be less weeds. I'd been saying something for years, getting the gist of the statement correct, but with the wrong background. Instead of "we'll be successful" its more "we'll have it made, be on easy street, or have an easier road to hoe"

    Also, I find myself being somewhat hesitant to use the phrase in mixed company because of the possible negative connotations in chopping cotton. I don't think its racist, but god knows someone, somewhere might, and then I would look like the $#@!. What do yall think?

    EDIT: Someone already said it, but "Madder than a wet hen" really cracks me up and my old man says it all the time.

    EDIT 2: Now that I think about it, "easier road to hoe" is likely "easier row to hoe" because why would you be hoeing a road? Learn something new all the time.

  • #20
    asshat Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22 might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Eastwood22's Avatar
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    Happy as a puppy with two peters.

    Has a mouth like a cannon, always shootin' it off.

  • #21
    asshat TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower can play the whole course with a 4 iron. At night. TxTower's Avatar
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    All hat and no cattle
    She's so bowlegged, she couldn't herd pigs in a ditch
    She's more nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs
    Even a blind pig finds an acorn every now an then

  • #22
    Crazier than a $#@!house rat

  • #23
    Cowboys and Texans fan ! tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt GORN tx 3 putt's Avatar
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    bow'd up like cut worm

  • #24
    bunghole paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore. paco is a rep whore.
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    Handier than handlebars on a whore's ass

  • #25
    asshat cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? cajunhorn's Avatar
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    Tore up from the floor up.

    Higher than bird pussy.

    Lower than a snakes $#@!.

    Slept like a retard in math class.

    Sweatin' like a two dollar whore on Nickel Night.

    Gotta face that'd make a train take a dirt road.


    and one I heard a guy in Fayetteville, AR say that I still don't understand...

    Two peas in a bucket? $#@! it!

  • #26
    asshat Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo's Avatar
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    These are ones my dad and granddad used on me. We were German Catholic dairy farmers, so I will leave out the ones in German that I couldn't spell!
    Trying to teach you anything is like teaching a rock to swim.

    If? If your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle.

    You don't know c'mere from sic'em!

    Who? Your feet don't fit no limb!

    Might? Mites are on a chicken's ass.

    She didn't get hit with an ugly stick. She fell outta the ugly TREE, and hit every branch on the way down!

  • #27
    asshat Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey's Avatar
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    he's tougher than a $3 steak.

  • #28
    quit standing there sucking on your teeth

  • #29
    asshat Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey GORN Jive Turkey's Avatar
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    and as DKR once said, "he runs faster than small-town gossip"

  • #30
    asshat Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo's Avatar
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    From what I hear about her, you'd have to tie a 2 X 4 across your ass to keep from fallin' in.

    Well, $#@! me to tears!

    What we need is a little 'clear up' rain. Clear up to my ass!

  • #31
    bunghole DILLIGAF If you're this low, you're probably Derka. DILLIGAF If you're this low, you're probably Derka. DILLIGAF If you're this low, you're probably Derka.
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    That ground so barrin, you'd have to sit on a sack of fertilizer to raise a hard.

    That $#@!s higher than ostrich pussy.

    Feels better than sticking your $#@! into a bucket full of live minnows.

    She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

    ..........................

    some of these i'm going to have to write down

  • #32
    asshat WoLF2001 is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? WoLF2001 is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? WoLF2001 is probably perfectly normal.  Probably. Maybe. Who cares? WoLF2001's Avatar
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    Drunker than a waltzing piss ant.

  • #33
    she was built when meat was cheap.

    i don't think that is old, but it needs to be used more.

  • #34
    asshat ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? ERhine might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge?
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    Quote Originally Posted by strangulation!
    she was built when meat was cheap.

    i don't think that is old, but it needs to be used more.
    Some friends and I have always said: She'd eat a hamburger with you.

    Similar.

  • #35
    asshat BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn has a gigantic e-peen. BrothaHorn's Avatar
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    Drunker than Cooter Brown.

  • #36
    @mariachhi - slower than molasses runnin down a hill in january.

  • #37
    asshat OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn grows his own roses OakHill Horn's Avatar
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    Wish? Wish in one hand and $#@! in the other and see which one fills up first!

  • #38
    asshat NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? NCAAFBALLROX's Avatar
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    Jesus built my car. Its a love affair. Mainly Jesus and my hot rod.
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    @ capty99 - slower'n molasses goin' Northbound up a Southbound hill on a cold day in January.

    & The whole "road to hoe" v "row to hoe" is one of those things that I see (hear) people getting wrong all the time.

    --------------------

    ...& If a frog had wings, he wouldn't (bump / scrape / hit) his balls when he hopped.

    (usually said to your kids when they're $#@!ing up): Boy, I'll knock you back inta last week (or knock you into next week).

    The best part of you ended up on the sheets.

    (not said to family) Now, son, you shouldn't oughta mess with me. I could be your daddy... yeah, I admit it . I used to $#@! buffalo.

    & One of my all time favorite:

    The He Coon walks mainly at night.

  • #39
    asshat flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco grows his own roses flaco's Avatar
    Join Date
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    My old rancher daddy is the king of country sayings. It is just how he sees the world. I hear a new one from pop every time I see him:

    Not worth a hat full of rotten eggs.

    Working like a sugar mill mule.

    Tighter'n a nun's $#@!.

    Out like Lottie's left eye.

    Busier'n a two peckered billygoat.

    I'll put a knot on your head a calf could suck.

    Her ass looked like two pigs in a tow-sack.

    Harder'n a preacher's $#@! in a calf's ass.

    Grinnin' like a wave on a slop bucket.

    A man will go places with a hard-on that he wouldn't take a bazooka.

    He keeps his fields ready to plow. ($#@!ty farmer)

    And Beamwalker it's "$#@!tin' in tall cotton where I come from because when you are chopping (hoeing) cotton all day and need to $#@! it is nice to have some tall cotton to do it in.

    And yes, it is "tough row to hoe". Drives me crazy when people say "road".


    Plus a thousand others. I really need to write them down. It amazes me that I have known the man for 45 years and I still hear new ones literally every time we spend more than an hour together.

  • #40
    asshat Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard. Bash Riprock slams and goes hard.
    Join Date
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    My grandfather says "It's comin' up a cloud" when it's favorable for a storm.

  • #41
    asshat Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Quasimofo's Avatar
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    I'll whip you like a rented mule.

    He was madder than a Jap general.

    Since I was knee high to a grasshopper.

    And the ones I heard from my dad EVERY time I asked for something... "Yeah, and then you woke up" or "You are gonna nickel and dime me to death"

  • #42
    Slicker'n snot on a doorknob.
    Slicker'n owl $#@!.

    Wish I could buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.

  • #43
    asshat hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian is probably pretty witty. or good at photoshop. or porn. hornian's Avatar
    Join Date
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    She was a carpenter's dream: flat as a board and easy to nail.

  • #44
    asshat orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2 slams and goes hard. orangeuahorn2's Avatar
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    You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a bullet.
    You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a damn boat.
    She's got a nice turd cutter.
    Had whiskey $#@! so bad it was like trying to $#@! with a wet rope.
    She so loose $#@!ing her is like ringing the dinner bell.
    I'd trust him about as far as I could piss into the wind.
    Kid's growing like a weed.

  • #45
    asshat wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club wd40 Shaggy Gold Club
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    Slicker'n owl $#@!.
    greener'n owl $#@!.

    does a fat dog fart?

  • #46
    asshat kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun Shaggy Gold Club kevwun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OakHill Horn
    Wish? Wish in one hand and $#@! in the other and see which one fills up first!
    My dad has told me this one about a billion times.

  • #47
    asshat Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado might be a clever chap. or know the right people. know what i mean, nudge nudge? Llano Estacado's Avatar
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    Is a 40 lb robin fat?

    Does a bear $#@! in the woods?

    In a 9 line bind.

    I'd pay her tab, just to send her home alone

    sadder than a weeping willow in frost

    I'd sooner suck sow's slop slowly

  • #48
    Crooked as a preacher's $#@!

    Busy as a one-armed paper hanger

    $#@!tin' in high cotton

  • #49
    asshat Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22 Shaggy Gold Club Lat22's Avatar
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    She looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet.

  • #50
    All sizzle, no steak

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