Any of you decide to just have one kid?

[MC Fresh Breath]

I admit it, I'm a selfish being. I love my soon to be five month old son, but man, those first 2.5 months. Whew. Now, he's a joy. He smiles all the time, and when he is not tired, he is the most easy going lil 'dude.

I love him more every day, and am just thrilled being his Dad. I consider myself lucky.

He is breastfed, so it was a lot tougher on Mom, than on me, and yet she is the one who thinks two would be fun. Thinks little man needs a sibling.

To put it simply, I don't. It feels like everything just got manageable, and I've been able to start working out again, take him to fun things, having more one on one time with my wife, e.t.c. And if another came along, I would be at least 40, possibly 41. It sounds rough to me, and I personally feel like one little person is more than enough, for many reasons.

Where I question myself is the guilt at thought of him being alone without a sibling one day. I'm the oldest of six, and I've still had some really lonely times in my life, so I'm not sure if having a sibling truly helps. But I've read time and again about single children wishing they had a connection once their parents were gone.

Any of you gone through this and stuck with just one child? How do you answer the nagging worries about them being alone one day?

[judge roybeanbag]

All I can tell you is we decided to have 2, and I absolutely am glad we did. I couldn't fathom being an only child. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[MC Fresh Breath]

I figure your response would be the majority, judge. Perhaps I am a grinch.

[judge roybeanbag]

Well it takes some adjusting for a while, on everyones part, but after a while it's worth it, IMO. Watching them play together when they were little was awesome. And now being almost 14 and 11, they are still pretty much best friends. Not perfect but I can see they wouldn't trade each other for anything.

[lowery21]

I think we may be done with just Rebecca, and I've had no luck so far attempting to convince the wife otherwise. I was one of two, and my brother and I are very close. My wife is the oldest of three, and they are all close. In fact, we are all very close with each other. I worry about Rebecca being lonely, I lament possibly not carrying on the family name. There are several worries, some valid most not.

On the other side of things, I've heard that a second little one is an exponential deal not addition. So you have that to think about.

[pacman]

We had two as well but I can't imagine going to three. It has been exhausting this go around. I think there is some merit to your thoughts. the early may be the cutest but they can also be quite tiresome. Glad to have the two now as I wanted them to have each other. No guarantee that works out though, down the road.

[whosehouse]

I absolutely think having siblings is something you should give your children if you're able. Not only do they have a companion growing up (even at the same school if they're close enough in age), one they do grow up they can grow to be best friends in addition to siblings. And then, when you and your wife get really old, there are more people to help care for you instead of the burden being all on one child.

[midtown]

We are 5 months into our second. My wife seemed pretty ok with just one. I really wanted two. Now she's mentioned a 3rd and I made an appt at the urologist.

[homer]

I am an only child. I will definitely try to raise two... when the time comes. (Not resenting my parents for having only one -- they had their reasons).

[CleverNickname]

two, that way you have a spare.

[Luke Duke]

Don't worry, your second wife will want kids and you won't have a choice.

[C-Man]

I'm one of two children and so is my wife. We have two kids ourselves, a little more than two years apart. It ain't easy but it's worth it. An older friend told me that "one is one and two is 10." I believe it. You've got to be in whole hog if you're going to have two because life as you know it is going to be over for a few years. But I was adamant I didn't want an only child. They have a greater tendency to be quite spoiled, IMO. Hell, if my wife would go along with it, I'd have a third one but I think that's pretty much not going to happen. The other morbid reason to have more than one is in case there's a tragedy and you lose that child. That's partly why I want a third, in case something happens to one, we would still have two living children. Morbid, I know, but that's just how I feel.

[Massive Horn]

It's best if you have them somewhat together. They fight, but occupy themselves. It is exhausting. My kids are 21 and 16. We recently took custody of of a 9 and 8 year old niece and nephew and it is kicking our asses. From visits to counselors, doctors, therapist, school shit, football, cheerleading, etc, there's no time to unwind or even relax. It's worth it when you see their happy faces, but it sucks when you realize you're neglecting the older kids. Still two kids is much more manageable than you would imagine, and much closer to one than you would think.

[Brad Wesley]

I have two and think it's great. my wife and i both want three but we don't have a ton of help from family so the two we have are pretty exhausting. we decided to have the kids so it's not a pity party but it sure would be nice to have a break here and there. The one is one and two is ten statement is beautiful. I don't think people are bad for having one at all. it's tough work. sure they may get a little bit lonely but they will have friends and you will be able to dedicate your time to that one child.

bottom line, people should do whatever is best for their situation. what's right for me may not be right for anyone else here.

[Snow Dog]

My daughter is an only child. It's never seemed to bother her.
We do all kinds of cool shit together, from skiing, to camping, to whitewater rafting and kayaking.
Her best friend was born a day after her, and they have always been like sisters.
She's never been left wanting for attention.

[chuychanga]

We have two. The second one is so much easier. Not nearly the same amount of disruption to your normal life. The infant stage, and even the toddler, stage is such a short period of time in the big picture.

My second just turned two and the three of us go on bike rides (little one in the trailer), go to the park, go swimming, hiking, camping, kayaking, etc... with no problems. Once you get through the infant stage, having two kids is just not as hard as you think it will be.

And the closer they are the easier it will be to find common activities they both enjoy.

[jrj9384]

I have a 3 year old boy and really really want another. Problem is I'm 25 and my gf is 22 so she's not really feeling that right now, but I definitely plan on having at least one more. Your son is only 5 months old maybe in a year or so you'll feel differently about it.

[Duckie]

Think of it this way---if you do have a second, I bet you won't regret it. But if you don't and you get past the point of no return, you and/or your wife might always think "what if."

[Foxyhorn]

If you have a 2nd, your 1st will be very grateful to have someone to help shoulder the burden when you and your wife are in your 70's and 80's and require assistance.

[Brad Wesley]

If you have a 2nd, your 1st will be very grateful to have someone to help shoulder the burden when you and your wife are in your 70's and 80's and assistance.

or pissed that they have to split all the shit with someone else.

[Teebox]

My wife is an only child and has major problems with her parents. She has always longed for a brother (or sister) with whom she could lean on in dealing with them.

[bernorange]

We had two. For us, it's the perfect number.

Just my opinion, but it's hard not to spoil an only child. They need a sibling to learn some lessons about sharing and sacrifice.

[Xminus6]

MC, we're in almost the exact situation as you. First is now 3.5 months and I turned 39 this year. We want to have two but I definitely have some reservations on how difficult it will be. Having kids this late is hard because I was so set in my ways. But it's worth it so far for that little girl's smile. She's just crazy cute. We'll have one more for sure and the be done.

[mrsmacgowski]

We are both only children, and we don't have kids, nor are we planning any, but I know that if we ever did have a kid, it would be an only child.

Why does your wife think your son needs a sibling?

[Sii]

im an only child and never really had a problem with it growing up. I dont have any kids now. I dont think its a big deal if an only child has friends...isnt a lonely type and easily occupies themselves. I did when I was little. I didnt mind getting all the attention LOL

however...I will admit though as I've reached being an adult at this point and faced some tough moments in my life (divorce....going through a job loss....other trials) I often wish I currently had a brother or sister to share things with besides just friends. I didn't really start feeling this way till within the last few years it seems and Im almost 35. I dont blame my parents or anything, but I'd kill for a close brother or sister right now. My immediate family I keep in touch with is VERY small as it is.

[244335]

Yes.

[MC Fresh Breath]

We are both only children, and we don't have kids, nor are we planning any, but I know that if we ever did have a kid, it would be an only child.

Why does your wife think your son needs a sibling?

I did a poor job there in describing this. Wife has just always wanted to have kids, period. I guess I'm the one wondering if the kid will be extra lonely without siblings, maybe encountering the things Sii is encountering, even if it is later in life. I get emotional thinking about passing and leaving him alone.

Also, just random things I've seen/heard from only children about wishing they had a brother or sister.

I waver on this thing every day. And it is funny, being from a large family is what probably slants me more towards having only one.

Thanks for all the replies. All good food for thought.

[hayden_horn]

i love the shit out of my second son, but you have to realize that life as you know it will be completely over. with one, you can juggle happy hours, nights out, weekend sleep ins, etc. when you have infant #2, that's all over. your wife is not going to be a big fan of frequently watching the two little monsters at the same time any more than you would. with one - it's easy. "can you take the baby?" "sure." two? "can you chase two kids around for four hours?" "no." two is definitely exponential.

but i know that these years are an investment in a great future for both of them, so i'm comfortable with that. though i bet my friends sometimes wonder just where the fuck i am and what the fuck keeps me so occupied.

[MC Fresh Breath]

MC, we're in almost the exact situation as you. First is now 3.5 months and I turned 39 this year. We want to have two but I definitely have some reservations on how difficult it will be. Having kids this late is hard because I was so set in my ways. But it's worth it so far for that little girl's smile. She's just crazy cute. We'll have one more for sure and the be done.

Especially nice to know some other people in the same boat. And cheers on getting to that magic 3 month mark...things seem to improve quite a bit in the fun factor.

[happy fun ball]

This thread is pretty awesome considering the OP's avatar's best line: "Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one."

[BearLakeHorn]

We have an 8 month old baby. He has turned our life upside down but I knew that (and a big reason we waited a bit longer to start, at least longer than my Mom wanted us to....).

That said, I cannot imagine never holding a newborn baby again that wasn't mine. Ideally would like at least 1 more maybe 2. When we are done, it will be a bit sad knowing those are the last time we will have those moments. They grow and change so fast.

[Used2b]

We considered it for a while because we had a pretty traumatic time with our oldest's birth and our kid was really high needs. But when it came down to it we really wanted to give our kid a sibling. That sibling was way easier than his brother. And then we decided to have another. And here we are with 3. I understand your concern about getting older. I'm 33 now and it's definitely harder now than it was when I was in my 20's. That said, they do keep you young.

[EddieMoney]

however...I will admit though as I've reached being an adult at this point and faced some tough moments in my life (divorce....going through a job loss....other trials) I often wish I currently had a brother or sister to share things with besides just friends. I didn't really start feeling this way till within the last few years it seems and Im almost 35. I dont blame my parents or anything, but I'd kill for a close brother or sister right now. My immediate family I keep in touch with is VERY small as it is.

Personally I think you may need better friends or a best friend... I have a sister, she does a ton for me etc etc but my best friend means more to me than family. I have a two other guys I consider best friends as well and between these three guys (my mom is like a second mom to them) I know I've found the requisite strength to get through some serious serious shit.

Family can be a burden, best friends are a blessing. They are earned

[C-Man]

Personally I think you may need better friends or a best friend... I have a sister, she does a ton for me etc etc but my best friend means more to me than family. I have a two other guys I consider best friends as well and between these three guys (my mom is like a second mom to them) I know I've found the requisite strength to get through some serious serious shit.

Family can be a burden, best friends are a blessing. They are earned

Gagreed. I love my brother -- he's nearly five years younger than me -- but I'm much, much closer with my best friends than I am with him. That said, I'm glad I grew up with a sibling. It made family trips much more tolerable.

[C-Man]

Oh, and if you could let us just skip to the 15-month or so period, there'd be no question we'd have another one. My son will be 2 in January and he's hysterical, has been since about 14 or 15 months. I'm sad that once he grows out of this stage, we won't have one his age again less'n I slip one past the goalie.

[Orange&White]

I knew from the time I was 20 that I wanted to have 1 child and 1 only. I now have my one, 12 year old son and have never looked backed. Some extenuating circumstances have occurred since then, but I am glad it has all worked out and wouldn't change anything about it.

[Xminus6]

Especially nice to know some other people in the same boat. And cheers on getting to that magic 3 month mark...things seem to improve quite a bit in the fun factor.

Yeah. It's been so much fun the past few weeks. Now, I'm the one that decided to stay home and take care of the kid. I work at home already and my wife is on a very good career path. So we decided that I would do the Mr. Mom thing and pick up freelance work when and where I can. But I can see her personality forming right before my eyes. It's fantastic. She's still a handful sometimes but generally speaking she's a "reasonable" baby. She only cries when something is legitimately wrong. It's just a matter of figuring out what it is.

I'm sure having another one is going to be a real bear. But my folks are moving here in a month or so, so I think that's going to be a huge help. Plus we'll start the little one on part-time day care in a few months just to get her socialized and so I can take a break or get work done when I need to. It's really such a paradigm shift of your life. I think sometimes that I'm better off doing it when I'm older because I'm much more "ready" to be a Dad. But at the same time it would be nice to have the energy of someone a few years younger than me too. Plus after 38 years I'm kinda set in my ways. I guess I have no choice but to adapt really. Ha.

[MC Fresh Breath]

Well, it looks like this question is now irrelevant for me.

The day, the very day we're leaving for our vacation to Seattle, wife complains about feeling nauseous and tired. She had been pretty emotional earlier in the week. Uh-oh. I demanded she pee on the stick, and she laughed me off, but said, "OK, but I'm not pregnant." She has always seemed to think she would "just know," even though she's been wrong twice now on that part. She came back kind of laughing, kind of gasping with a "UH OH, wow!"

We needed medical assistance for her to get pregnant the first time, so in many ways this was a big surprise. Guess we'll find out how to deal. Xminus6, if you've had yours by now and have some tips, maybe I'll remember to read them. :)

[hayden_horn]

congrats and good luck!

[bluto]

what a crazy thread bump, congrats

[TexasEd]

2 or less = negative population growth ;)
congratulations on helping out the country!

[beer]

milkman?

[hitbyatrain]

2 or less = negative population growth ;)
congratulations on helping out the country!

Sure, let the Medicaid recipients have 5 each and take over.

[bentleybrau]

Well, it looks like this question is now irrelevant for me.

The day, the very day we're leaving for our vacation to Seattle, wife complains about feeling nauseous and tired. She had been pretty emotional earlier in the week. Uh-oh. I demanded she pee on the stick, and she laughed me off, but said, "OK, but I'm not pregnant." She has always seemed to think she would "just know," even though she's been wrong twice now on that part. She came back kind of laughing, kind of gasping with a "UH OH, wow!"

We needed medical assistance for her to get pregnant the first time, so in many ways this was a big surprise. Guess we'll find out how to deal. Xminus6, if you've had yours by now and have some tips, maybe I'll remember to read them. :)

Good luck.

Our first one was a miracle of modern medicine. We're taking a crack at #2 later this month. I'm happy either way.

[244335]

I hope that kid doesn't look just like your wife and the mailman.

JK, congrats, dude.

[Cheese]

if you want to have another, do it soon

[bernorange]

Congrats dude.

[Underdog]

We only have one. My Wife would say she has two boys :/

Wasn't planned to have just one, it sorta just happened that way. Wife got laid off from Motorola shortly after Jr's. birth, and by the time we felt comfortable, could afford another kid, he was 8-9 yrs. old and we thought that was too big of an age gap. Didn't seem to bother him as much when he was younger as it does now. He's in his early 20's.

[TheCruiser]

We may only have time to have one kid. I just hope she/he is not as annoying as all the only children I know.

In the end, if we all had 1-2 children, there would be no more war. Yep, I'm that simplistic. Take out overpopulations struggling for resources and organized religion and I'll show you fucking Xanadu minus the rollerskates.

[BearLakeHorn]

We are pregnant with #2 as well. I posted back in Nov. on this thread. That said, I posted that we would have more than 1.

Congrats!

As I said, I am going to be sad when I know that we have had our last.