Any of you decide to just have one kid?

[tropheus]

we all live and die alone, but relationships help us convince ourselves we're not alone or maybe instead help us come to terms with it. in that quest, siblings may be the most important, from virtually birth to death, they are the only ones there from the beginning to the end. parents? they die by the time your middle aged. Spouses? They weren't there when you were young. brothers and sisters? birth, first words, school, graduation, college, girlfriends, marriage, kids, death of parents, and then death of their own. I think everyone should have a brother or a sister and it's not to the very end that their uniqueness over all other relationships really hits home.

(we have 3 boys all 5 and under and they kick our ass, lord to they whip our asses)

[Xminus6]

Well, it looks like this question is now irrelevant for me.
We needed medical assistance for her to get pregnant the first time, so in many ways this was a big surprise. Guess we'll find out how to deal. Xminus6, if you've had yours by now and have some tips, maybe I'll remember to read them. :)

Wow. Good for you guys. This is an old thread and I was reading my post wondering what I was talking about.

No second kid yet. We're about to start trying again because we feel like this is a good time gap. You can tell me how it goes. Evidently the change from one to two kids is exponentially more difficult.

[HRMaddie]

Our second one was born 2.5 months ago and she is a blessing. We tried a couple years after #1 daughter was born, but it didn't work out. Several years later and several IVF cycles later kid #2 was born. I'm glad we had another kid, may have a third one if the regular child-making method worked. The age gap from #1 to #2 is 7 years so I doubt they will be playing much, but I'm glad they will have each other later on in life.

[Quadry]

Congrats, I feel like you are me!

I went thru the same stuff on feeling selfish. We had trouble getting pregnant with the first one, the second one was no problem. We are now almost to the 2nd birthday with my youngest and I am very happy we had two. The second one is so much easier than the first, it is not even close. Not sure if that is because you have done it already or if you are just not as high strung, but it is one of the best decisions we ever made. I now have a 5 year old and almost 2 year old that play together and my oldest is a huge help!!!! She wants to go get snacks or milk or toys or whatever for her sister anytime something is needed. It is actually pretty cool to have two kids in your life and having that hilarious interaction that only two kids talking can have.

[whosehouse]

we all live and die alone, but relationships help us convince ourselves we're not alone or maybe instead help us come to terms with it. in that quest, siblings may be the most important, from virtually birth to death, they are the only ones there from the beginning to the end. parents? they die by the time your middle aged. Spouses? They weren't there when you were young. brothers and sisters? birth, first words, school, graduation, college, girlfriends, marriage, kids, death of parents, and then death of their own. I think everyone should have a brother or a sister and it's not to the very end that their uniqueness over all other relationships really hits home.

(we have 3 boys all 5 and under and they kick our ass, lord to they whip our asses)

I usually enjoy your posts but this is probably one of the best things you've ever posted.

[lowery21]

Ill be printing that out for the wife troph.

[phdhorn]

In the "decided to have a 2nd" camp.

3.5 years apart. girl -----> boy.

They get along incredibly, magnificently. People have remarked *frequently* (sorry, with a tinge of envy) how they really get along. I don't understand it, I used to try and kill my older sister numerous times. But these two are great together. We're thankful. I can see them laughing and joking togeher over my coffin high-fiving each other that they're one step closer to the old man's money, pittance sum though it will be.

Definitely recommend it, cross fingers and hope they grow up liking each other.

[tropheus]

thanks guys.

I think in the US we focus too much on lineal relationships (i.e. mom and daughter, dad and son, grandkids, etc.) the sibling relationship gets lost a lot. Also, if we have kids and think about what's best for them, then the second child or third or whatever isn't about the parents, it's about the kids. When we debated whether or not to have children, one was not an option. It was always two or more for the reason I stated in my post above.

I've worked damn hard on bringing my bro and sis around, 15 years in fact. Doc is a helluva brother, I couldn't see myself enjoying life without him. My sister will get there too. My mom and dad each have a brother and they don't get along. Seeing my mom and her brother bury my grandmother was eye opening. Seeing my grandmother on my dad's side grow old (still alive) is also eye opening. I desperately need the richness of siblings to remember the past, from childhood, as my parents grow old. Having no one to share childhood memories about my parents as they fade and my own childhood memories (troubles, victories, etc.) as I fade would be devestating for me at least. Maybe that's because I am unfortunately acutely aware of my solitude in life (I have some really great friendships and my marriage is fantastic) and I think about growing old and dying quite a bit, not in a morbid sense but in a make sure my life is what I want it to be -- no take backs, no regrets. siblings are just a huge part of it I think.

[tbone]

I am an only and our daughter will be our only. We tried for others but they were not to be, unfortunately.

People ask me all the time what its like being an only. All I tell them is that I don't know because I don't have anything to compare it to. My wife has brothers and they are loser assholes so siblings may not always be a benefit.

[lowery21]

I with you 100 percent troph.

[MC Fresh Breath]

Thanks, everyone for all the well wishes, and thoughtful comments. I look forward to the new adventure. Wife is already way more emotional than she was with the first pregnancy where she was buddha. I told her that must mean this is a girl. ;)

[TheTexasHammer]

We had two. For us, it's the perfect number.

Just my opinion, but it's hard not to spoil an only child. They need a sibling to learn some lessons about sharing and sacrifice.

4321

[Used2b]

we all live and die alone, but relationships help us convince ourselves we're not alone or maybe instead help us come to terms with it. in that quest, siblings may be the most important, from virtually birth to death, they are the only ones there from the beginning to the end. parents? they die by the time your middle aged. Spouses? They weren't there when you were young. brothers and sisters? birth, first words, school, graduation, college, girlfriends, marriage, kids, death of parents, and then death of their own. I think everyone should have a brother or a sister and it's not to the very end that their uniqueness over all other relationships really hits home.

(we have 3 boys all 5 and under and they kick our ass, lord to they whip our asses)

You articulated what I've thought. We'd have been fine with having one but we really wanted to give our kid a sibling. Probably that was the biggest reason we had another. And then another. I feel incredibly blessed for the 3 boys we have. That they will have each other their whole lives, even after we are gone, fills me with joy and satisfaction.

[slorch]

we ONLY have two- would have had more, but it was not to be...

I love how our sons get along and interact. I cannot imagine our family being as happy without one of them.

[tbone]

I am an only and our daughter will be our only. We tried for others but they were not to be, unfortunately.

People ask me all the time what its like being an only. All I tell them is that I don't know because I don't have anything to compare it to. My wife has brothers and they are loser assholes so siblings may not always be a benefit.

I should also add that I am borderline retarded, so I'm not sure what my situation adds to the story.

[Snow Dog]

. in that quest, siblings may be the most important, from virtually birth to death, they are the only ones there from the beginning to the end. parents? they die by the time your middle aged. Spouses? They weren't there when you were young. brothers and sisters? birth, first words, school, graduation, college, girlfriends, marriage, kids, death of parents, and then death of their own. I think everyone should have a brother or a sister and it's not to the very end that their uniqueness over all other relationships really hits home.

(we have 3 boys all 5 and under and they kick our ass, lord to they whip our asses)

You didn't have my older brother.
I could never have anything nice because he would steal it or break it.
When I worked my ass off on a newspaper route and bought my first bicycle, I would race outside to go ride it, only to find he had cut the lock...again.....and had taken the bike.
I learned how to hide shit with the cunning of a deep undercover CIA agent, because if I wanted to have anything nice, I had to hide it, or it would be gone the next day.
One night, he had to come pick me up on a motorcycle because my car had broke down. On the way home, we came up to a railroad crossing, just as the nightly 200 car long coal train went through at 75 mph on the way to the powerplant. He thought it would be hilarious to race it to the crossing.
I put a choke hold on him, hoping he would pass out, so we could crash before the train splattered us like a dead armadillo.
The next night, he took a blind curve at 50 mph and put us through a barb wire fence. I was lucky not to be decapitated by the bottom wire. The motorcycle went through it first and broke the bottom strand.


So yeah, fuck siblings.

[Brad Wesley]

tropheus pretty much wins. i am one of two and my brother and i are 2.5 years apart and really not that close. i currently have 2 kids and my wife is preg with #3. When this one is born (not finding out because already have boy and girl) we will have 3 kids in barely over 4 years. our thought process on going for kid #3 is they may not get as much time with mommy and daddy but they will definitely learn to deal with each other which pretty much supports tropheus post. plus, we love the shit out of our first two and i have enough love in me to do this all over again one last time. will it be hard having 3 kids that close together? hell yes but the rewards will make the decision a no-brainer. they will all be in high school for a year...which means they will all be in college for a year...which means i better get my ass back to work.

[UTinBigD]

congrats...just had our second one (girl) 8 weeks ago to go with our first (2.5yo boy). I feel about the same way as far as we had just gotten into a nice routine. The boy was sleeping like a champ and it was easy to make rec league bball games and happy hours. Getting baby sitters was not a big deal either. Having two changes the game. We just flew down to the Port A area and it was an adventure to say the least. I don't see how it's possible to stay sane without the help of grandparents. Even though none my or the wife's parents live in town, they visit often enough to make a big difference. Was able to make a weekend to Vegas and got in a round of golf with the grandparents helping the wife out with the kids.

We will see how it goes schlepping the family to every home game in Austin, plus a trip to Lubbock for the Tech game, this year. In the grand scheme of things, stressing during the infant stage is not a big deal i guess. Surviving the airport experience makes me feel a little better about the whole thing though.

[Used2b]

I feel like the logistical things can be pretty difficult until age 3.5-5. Once they hit 4 thing seem to be smooth sailing in terms of sleep, toileting, traveling, feeling good about non-family sitters, etc.

Our oldest is 6.5 and the middle is almost 4 and they are much more fun than "work" right now, at least compared to the baby. Sure, there are school issues, friend issues, and they can be shitheads to each other and us at times, but the overwhelming intensity of the baby years have passed.

Our baby is 13 months and while he is lots of work, I'm savoring every second because I know the baby/toddler stage is so sweet and fleeting. I'm so glad we had 3 children.

[Used2b]

We just flew down to the Port A area and it was an adventure to say the least. I don't see how it's possible to stay sane without the help of grandparents. Even though none my or the wife's parents live in town, they visit often enough to make a big difference. Was able to make a weekend to Vegas and got in a round of golf with the grandparents helping the wife out with the kids.

When the baby gets older it will be so much easier. My husband travels for work a lot (though he's ramped it down some since the 3rd kid) and I manage pretty well with all three. Although, it did suck the time he was gone and they were all sick, including 6 months old baby, and then I got sick with the regular flu and H1N1 at the same time. I did have to call in for backup (local family) and we survived.

[MilkmanDan]

milkman?

Nope. Although I feel like I could have made the original post.

Congratulations MC.

[CHIEF]

I am an only child, and my son is an only child as well. As a child, my parents were young without much money, but we always had enough to eat at nice restaurants, and the occasional nice vacation. Most of their friends had 3-5 kids, most never ate out, or did anything for a vacation but camping trips to state parks. I ordered what I wanted at restaurants, if we did eat with their friends, i ordered what the other children ordered, and I also had input on where we went for vacation. I have never felt lonely, and always had my friends to hang out with. I have no one to fight over my parents assets with, and I inherited the family business, which could not support two or three families comfortably. These are the some of the reasons my wife and I had only one as well. We can travel extensively for little money, less food, smaller house, smaller car, the list goes on.

CHIEF

[Brad Wesley]

Big D (and others),

Appreciate the shit out of active grandparents. We get very little help both in terms of sitting and vacations. Our parents are good when they are in town but since none live here we don't get help but maybe once every 6ish weeks or so. As a matter of fact, my oldest just turned 4 and we haven't been away alone for more than 18ish hours. It's not worth sitting around and pouting about because they are our kids and we made the decision to have them but I hear people bitching about their parents/in-laws all the time yet they watch their kids for an entire weekend or a night here or tehre while they go on vacation.

[Doc Holliday]

Troph definitely wins this thread. I could not wish for a better brother, older brother, friend and more. The dude is straight up amazing and I am very thankful for him.

On the subject of this thread though...As I get closer to proposing to my girlfriend, we've talked about kids and how many, what sex, etc. we'd like to have and at this point, barring any factors out of our control (the power of God sort of thing) we will have one if we are lucky. When she was a teenager she had a really bad case of Chrons Disease and a bunch of other stuff at the same time. So the Doctor she had said that she most likely had a 30% chance to ever have kids in the future. So, with that said, if we can have one, great! If not, my nephews and nieces are going to be spoiled by us as they will be the closest thing we have to our own kids.

[sanf81]

Daughter is 5 weeks old and son is two and a half. Won't know the extent of life changes until after the wife goes back to work in November. Even though I'm 40, a 3rd child would be cool.

[TouchdownTexas]

I was an only child (adopted). My wife was an only child (standard). All along we both wanted 2 kids and with our daughter being 15 months old now, it's time to start thinking of #2. However, our dilemma is that I have developed serious feelings towards adopting our 2nd child so that I can give a kid the same opportunity that I was blessed with. However, my wife enjoyed being pregnant so much that I don't want to "rob" her of that opportunity either. Our 1st pregnancy went REALLY smooth, I mean scary smooth from beginning to birth to stopping breast feeding at 12 months smooth. Even though my wife would support the adoption, I can't help bu think there would be some underlying resentment towards to new child since she would miss out on the "bonding" time. Then again, I might feel a stronger bond to an adopted child due to my own circumstances. Who knows, rambling at the moment...thanks for letting me take up some character space.

Of course, the easy answer is to have 3 kids but we're both pretty set on 2 barring any "surprises" down the road.

[tropheus]

doc -- cousins are not much different than siblings if we do it right, that of course is a big if. cousins who are close in age and close in relationships can also walk through life together, maybe more like close childhood friends, but with family relations, the bond can be much tighter than friends. I thought to add that later and was not even thinking of you and her when I thought it, but it's clearly relevant and hopefully provides some comfort to the possibility you may only have one.

But here's some more comfort.... three boys are killing us. the activity level, intensity and demand for care for 3 boys ages 5 and under is so staggering I don't think it's real sometimes. Then i wake up before 5am when my middle son comes waddling in "Daddy, it dar ow side, it dar ow side." No shit kiddo, that means you should be sleeping and at that point life laughs at me and I realize it is real, very real.

[tropheus]

oh, and active grandparents, try active GREAT grandparents. My oldest son (5) will have vivid memories of fishing with his great grandfather, let alone his grandfathers. The kid has 4 old men in his life, I had zero. Damn he's got it good!

[Bert Orange]

I thought long and hard about the second and what it would mean to my personal life - then realized it would be incredibly short-sighted of me to savor the next 3-4 years at the expense of the rest of my life. Can't even begin to describe the warmth I feel when my two girls cuddle with each other on the coach and the older (4) "reads" a book to the younger (2) with the fervor and myriad of voices that daddy uses. Sure, the oldest gave me a black eye this weekend when she thrust an etch-a-scetch doodle at my face - but it was only because she was so excited to show me the picture she had drawn of our family. All four of us. And the sisters were holding hands.

I've done more than create two beautiful, loving children - I've created friends for life. And I haven't a single regret. At all.

Congrats on the second!!!

[Brad Wesley]

good point on cousins. i haven't seen my two cousins in years and i might not ever see them again once my uncle passes. we stress that our kids play with their cousins and that's a bond i really want them to have since i missed that boat but it's tough to make that happen.

damn tropheus, if having 3 boys under 5 is tough i am in for it. wife due in nov with kid 3 and my oldest (boy) just turned 4 in august. i think we're fucked.

[TXSG8R]

We have one son, our first attempt at a child ended... poorly, we found out after that my wife has a weak uterus. For our son they put in a cerclage. That worked great, but my wife said she couldn't do it again. She said getting the cerclage removed hurt worse than the actual child birth, and she didn't have an epidural. We agreed to wait until we were 32 to decide on getting tubes cut, a year before our deadline we agreed that we were more than happy with one and went through with the snip. Our son is well rounded, he has a lot, but doesn't have any problems sharing. Early on he was surprised to learn that his friends with siblings didn't have as much stuff, but that just made him more generous as he is growing up.

[hayden_horn]

a friend of mone once told me that his boss told him this: raising boys is hell until they hit puberty. raising girls is paradise until they hit puberty, then you really learn what hell is. so count your blessings, troph.

[Used2b]

I agree with troph that 3 young boys is, um, intense.

[hullabelew]

a friend of mone once told me that his boss told him this: raising boys is hell until they hit puberty. raising girls is paradise until they hit puberty, then you really learn what hell is. so count your blessings, troph.

Hayden, you friend is a wise man. I can totally vouch for this.

Troph, I just back from Texas at a funeral for my aunt. Her family was a trip, with more sorrow than one family should have to endure, most of it self-inflicted. My brother and I spent the entire weekend thanking each other for being such good friends. I would trade that shithead for anything.

[tropheus]

family doesn't come without faults, I never said that. and for those with health issues, my sympathies to you, nothing worse than having to adjust expectations based on the crap life deals us.

[MC Fresh Breath]

Well, it looks like this question is now irrelevant for me.

Aaaaaand, we're done. Child #2 born yesterday. A girl. No pics for Shag, so I'll GTFO soon. Little dude was not so keen on seeing Mama nurse this new one, but he didn't react too badly. Just wouldn't look much, which was sad to see. I know, he'll get better. This is some exhausting stuff.

And in a month, I'll be going to see Dr. Chopp. I'm done.

[bernorange]

Don't worry, older brother is going to really appreciate younger sis having her friends around when they get to high school.

[DaysOff]

I only wanted 2, so we therefore have 3.

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk

[Wally Fairway]

OMG - I love threads like this (somehow I missed it's earlier life).

To tropheus (and others) enjoyem while they are young - We have 4 kids, 3 of them are now teenagers.

At times it is hard, they make stupid choices and they do stupid things, they tell you they hate you and that you suck.....the only thing that makes it possible to get through the day-to-day-today bullshit is that I've found a magical place where reality doesn't suck - thank you Shaggy!

[Tila]

Just found this thread. It's gold.

I didn't have much of a choice. When I got knocked up it was with twins. Joey and Rob are a delight, joy, and the monsters will be the death of me. They are 15 months old and all over the place. I can't imagine having only one, but I don't plan on having any more.

[jinx]

Didn't read all of the responses, but I didn't see the response that I would give.

We just added our third, after considering only having two. 8, 5 and 6months.

I am actually enjoying the baby stage this time, because I know it will never happen again. That said, I tell all of my friends that are nearing the kid stage that kids are really fun for guys once they are two years old. They are fun for women at any age. After two, the can tell you what they want, don't crap themselves and be reasoned with (for the most part). Before two, they are a significant chore.

Other thing, the kids entertain each other. My baby is fascinated by her older siblings. When the second was born, she bonded with her older sister immediately. By the time she was one, they were play buddies. THIS CANNOT BE OVERSTATED. If you want to not always be the one at the tea party, playing forts, whatever, that second child is irreplaceable. Of course I love all of those things, but there are plenty of times when I like to be able to say, go get your sister to play that with you.

Also have to agree that if you are thinking about it now, I would hate to know you may regret not having another one in the future. It might not get easier, because kids are always work, but it definitely becomes more fun. Nothing beats watching your kid score their first soccer goal.

[Bert Orange]

Glad to see this thread back with an awesome conclusion. Congrats on the new addition!!

[Bill_11YearPlan]

Two is a good number. We have a boy and a girl, so we've replaced ourselves.

I read something from an only child once. She said, I loved being an only child, but now that mom and dad are gone, I have no one to share the memories with.

[Bert Orange]

Two is a good number. We have a boy and a girl, so we've replaced ourselves.

I read something from an only child once. She said, I loved being an only child, but now that mom and dad are gone, I have no one to share the memories with.

Well, that's downright depressing. Has she considered marriage and having children of her own? If I depended on my parents for this, I'd be sorely disappointed as well. And they are still alive.

[ihateowho]

We only one kid and I think we are done. My wife was able to stay home for the first year with him which was great for us. I can't imagine having to drop an infant off at day care. I know a lot of people do it and I absolutely am not criticizing it. But then I read the post above about the only child and it does make me want another one.

[Xminus6]

Wow. Good for you guys. This is an old thread and I was reading my post wondering what I was talking about.

No second kid yet. We're about to start trying again because we feel like this is a good time gap. You can tell me how it goes. Evidently the change from one to two kids is exponentially more difficult.

I guess I'll update my status as well. #2 is due in Sept. Another girl. So it's of critical importance that I build my office in the basement as soon as possible. Man Cave ho!

[tropheus]

Well, that's downright depressing. Has she considered marriage and having children of her own? If I depended on my parents for this, I'd be sorely disappointed as well. And they are still alive.

I think the person means the memories of the past. no spouse or kids can share in those memories, only parents and siblings, and since her parents are deceased, no one.

[Bill_11YearPlan]

I think the person means the memories of the past. no spouse or kids can share in those memories, only parents and siblings, and since her parents are deceased, no one.

Yes, that was her point.

[Brad Wesley]

great thread. funny reading back because my wife was preg with our 3rd and now he is 6 mo old. couldn't imagine life wihtout him but damn stopping at 2 would have put us on easy street right now. i love the shit out of my kids but man they are so much work right now. god bless my wife who stays home with all 3,rarely goes psycho and still gets up the energy to be a sex kitten.

[threesheets]

An older friend told me that "one is one and two is 10."

I have a four year old daughter and a nine week old son- 'twas a wise mf'er that told you that.