The worst reason EVER to miss a Texas game

[Beau Vine]

The only saving grace is having a chip in the big game. I can hold this shit over her head for fucking years to come. This will get me out of numerous future weddings, reunions, etc., by simply bringing up the "remember the time we missed Colt's last game @ Texas to go see a teenage vampire flick?"

I can't believe you're this stupid. This is not how it works.

You have committed a humongous error: YOU HAVE TO MARK YOUR TERRITORY.

And not only did you NOT mark your territory this time, you also gave it up for a stupid teenage vamp movie. This sends a very strong message that not only does this territory not belong to you, but also that you will cede this territory for just about anything. You have effectively told her that you are willing to miss a Texas game for things like weddings, reunions, etc. You've got nothing to hold over her head, but you will be paying for this mistake for years to come.

Your grade is F-minus.

[Urinal Cake]

This thread has amazing legs. Well done all.

[WeAreTX]

I'm falling into the "He's just saying that they changed their plans but in reality his wife still has his balls in a lockbox and they're gonna be eating popcorn and watching teen vampires on Saturday night" camp.

I would like to join this camp as well. Where do I sign up?

[Deguello]

I can't believe you're this stupid. This is not how it works.

You have committed a humongous error: YOU HAVE TO MARK YOUR TERRITORY.

Pretty much this.

Last February my wife's brother scheduled a wedding for a Saturday in September. I didn't even know about it until it got called off because everyone, my wife included, knew there was no chance in hell that I was going to miss a Texas football game for his wedding. They didn't waste their time, or mine, even asking about it.

My pre-teen daughters wouldn't choose Twilight over going to a Texas game. They'll be there cheering Saturday night.

You are so screwed.

[ravenhand]

So not only will I not be at Senior Day this Saturday to see Colt break the all time wins record as well as send off the seniors in style, I won't even be able to watch it at home or in a sports bar.

Why?

Because my wife spent weeks getting us tickets to see Twilight: New Moon at the Drafthouse @ 7PM on Saturday.

Kill me.

I am so lucky my wife understand how I feel about watching Texas Football. She even planned our wedding so that it would not interfere with the Longhorn football season. If she has something planned for us during the weekend that the Longhorns play she will ask what time the game starts so that she can plan around it, I love her and she really loves me.

[Jersey Man10]

Fuck Twilight.

[Trumpette09]

Your wife sucks.

[austingirl]

I am a woman. I can't imagine being the kind of woman who would do something like this. Good lord, no wonder you guys think women are ridiculously needy bitches. Who's raising these idiotic girls to be so, so, ... I think devious might be the right word. "If you really love me you'll go to this movie with me, even though you'll hate it." Bah! You guys need to start looking for the sensible, confident in herself, kind of woman, who won't play these stupid, stupid games.

Took the words out of my mouth. Why in God's name would I drag my husband to a movie he obviously didn't want to see? Regardless of whether or not he had to miss a game?

[Foxyhorn]

Took the words out of my mouth. Why in God's name would I drag my husband to a movie he obviously didn't want to see? Regardless of whether or not he had to miss a game?

Ditto. Would never, ever think of even asking my husband to do something like this. Even if I did, he is not a pussy and would tell tell me F No!

[UTEX90]

You three ladies need to have an internvention with OP's wife.

[Ruby Soho]

Yup, come Saturday night, this towel-wiper will be watching Twilight with the rest of Austin's 13yo girls.

[Jersey Man10]

You should post that on FML.com.

[creasy]

Shhhhh... This is what GOTJ is REALLY doing for his 40th... He didn't want to brag.

[froghorn717]

this has been the best dogpile, ever. oh sorry...EVER.

[bigup2dahorns]

my suggestion is that you show up in panchochat on saturday evening to prove you are not in fact at said movie. yeah yeah yeah i know you are supposed to now watch the game at a neighbor's house, just tell them it is a matter of life and death that you borrow their computer for a little bit.

[smoky b]

my suggestion is that you show up in panchochat on saturday evening to prove you are not in fact at said movie. yeah yeah yeah i know you are supposed to now watch the game at a neighbor's house, just tell them it is a matter of life and death that you borrow their computer for a little bit.

doesn't alamo have wi-fi?

[Wally Pryor]

Wow...with the way it's week to week with television and the kick times for our games, my other half knows that nothing gets scheduled on Saturday unless we first discuss it. For all intents and purposes, Saturdays in the fall are off limits. As they should be.

[balakris]

Meh...I call bullshit.

[eATMe]

YOU HAVE TO MARK YOUR TERRITORY.

Pee on your wife.

[NEwherebutA&M]

OK, OK...everything's cool. Tix have been swapped out for a Sunday showing. We'll be watching the game w/ some new neighbors of ours who moved in down the street a few weeks ago.

Even if this is real, you go to the trouble to post and embarrass yourself about it here, and now you're still not even going to the game? FAIL.

[Brad Wesley]

the reason my marriage is successful is because she knows even asking for something like this would end in divorce.

my wife is going to see that stupid fucking movie tomorrow night with her friend while i hang with the kids. in exchange, she's going to let me get super Colt McCoy shitfaced and watch him ninja fuck the fat mangino's.

married life ain't bad for dudes who set the expectations early.

[crackamacgowski]

the reason my marriage is successful is because she knows even asking for something like this would end in divorce.

my wife is going to see that stupid fucking movie tomorrow night with her friend while i hang with the kids. in exchange, she's going to let me get super Colt McCoy shitfaced and watch him ninja fuck the fat mangino's.

married life ain't bad for dudes who [s:7ba9f773fb]set the expectations early[/s:7ba9f773fb] beat their wives.

That's right. I said it.

[texashorne]

My wife got Mama Mia last Christmas and I swear she made me watch that shit for simple reason that she new I hated it and it would prove my love by making some sort of sacrifice.

Dude, what's sad is your wife probably doesn't like the movie, she running some kind of test and maliciously doing this on purpose.

[wide-e-wide]

THIS is totally unacceptable and you will go down in Shaggy history "Wideman Christmas lights story" style. No matter what you do
in life or on this board from this moment on will EVER take away from the fact that you are "that guy from the Twilight thread". Good luck with that shit.

[creasy]

THIS is totally unacceptable and you will go down in Shaggy history "Wideman Christmas lights story" style.

Well wide-e-wide, this is far worse. You've got that going for you.

[texashorne]

This thread is good for my marriage. Ever since reading it I have begun to love my wife even more. She is going to the Big 12 game with me. She is awesome.
At any rate, my buddy's wife bought 5 tickets to a Beach Boys concert last year, during the Tech game. And of the 5 that she "wifed" into going, 3 were die hard longhorn fans.

[SubliminalHorn]

THIS is totally unacceptable and you will go down in Shaggy history "Wideman Christmas lights story" style. No matter what you do
in life or on this board from this moment on will EVER take away from the fact that you are "that guy from the Twilight thread". Good luck with that shit.

I was just about to say that the rest of your shaggy career will be defined by this thread. May god have mercy on your soul.

[r2k3982]

Some one put this on the classics STAT!!!!

[TexArcher]

I am a woman. I can't imagine being the kind of woman who would do something like this. Good lord, no wonder you guys think women are ridiculously needy bitches. Who's raising these idiotic girls to be so, so, ... I think devious might be the right word. "If you really love me you'll go to this movie with me, even though you'll hate it." Bah! You guys need to start looking for the sensible, confident in herself, kind of woman, who won't play these stupid, stupid games.

I want to be on you.

[scottsins]

ALL women want to be with a man. You are acting like a bitch. She may act like this makes her happy, but it does not.

[TheCruiser]

I think the bigger issue is not that he's missing the UT game, it's that based on the movie he's going to see, this man is apparently married to a 15 year old and thus, may be a pedophile.

[GhostOfTomJoad]

THIS is totally unacceptable and you will go down in Shaggy history "Wideman Christmas lights story" style. No matter what you do
in life or on this board from this moment on will EVER take away from the fact that you are "that guy from the Twilight thread". Good luck with that shit.

Yeah, I figure this is my equivalent of Crayon being a bridesmaid. What the hell. Have a laugh on me.

[crackamacgowski]

I think the bigger issue is not that he's missing the UT game, it's that based on the movie he's going to see, this man is apparently married to a 15 year old and thus, may be a pedophile.

If you don't, someone else will.

[TrashMaster G]

Yeah, I figure this is my equivalent of Crayon being a bridesmaid. What the hell. Have a laugh on me.

Are you going to borrow crayon's dress for your date?

[Foxyhorn]

My wife got Mama Mia last Christmas and I swear she made me watch that shit for simple reason that she new I hated it and it would prove my love by making some sort of sacrifice.

I really don't understand women who make their husbands watch girl movies/tv shows with them. why? Are you not secure enough to watch it by yourself on one tv while your husband watches football or something else manly in another room? Do you not have girlfriends to watch with?

[mez2]

OK, OK...everything's cool. Tix have been swapped out for a Sunday showing. We'll be watching the game w/ some new neighbors of ours who moved in down the street a few weeks ago.

I've gotta say it's quite an experience to take the brunt of a full on Shag attack. I mean I've read 'em, contributed to 'em, and laughed at 'em for years, but when the barrel is pointed directly at you it's something else. I think 'GhostOfTomChoad' was my favorite bit.

sellout.

[HoosierHorn]

you were probably going to get a blowjob for going on saturday. i'm just sayin.

you gotta ignore some of these cats. they believe in bros before hoes.

[creasy]

you were probably going to get a blowjob for going on saturday. i'm just sayin.

if getting a bj is such a big deal that you even considered going through all that bullshit, you married the wrong woman. i'm just sayin'.

[MrPhlegm]

Well wide-e-wide, this is far worse. You've got that going for you.

this is worse even than the male bridesmaid situation.

[StregaHorn]

if getting a bj is such a big deal that you even considered going through all that bullshit, you married the wrong woman. i'm just sayin'.

This.

I feel really bad for a lot of the married guys on this site.

Then again, I have never really gotten along with most of my fellow women. Too fussy and manipulative. FYI, the women here on the Shag are obviously exceptions :) How you men put up with the stuff you do, I have no idea.

The last time a man treated me like some of your wives treat you, he was kicked to the curb...quickly.

[slorch]

THIS is totally unacceptable and you will go down in Shaggy history "Wideman Christmas lights story" style. No matter what you do
in life or on this board from this moment on will EVER take away from the fact that you are "that guy from the Twilight thread". Good luck with that shit.

Only difference is your tale is funny as hell.

The Twilight Zone on the other hand is just plain disgusting.

[MaximumBarnes]

I feel really bad for a lot of the married guys on this site.

Why? It's their fault. The ones who complain about having to be subservient to their wives' demands are dickless little bitches who deserve what they get. Women run amok in our society because men tuck their dicks between their legs, curl up in a fetal position, and suck their thumbs whenever a woman threatens to get mad. It's a product of the pussification of America. We are a society of men raised by women who never knew anything but being subservient to women. It's fucking pathetic and disgusting.

[crackamacgowski]

Why? It's their fault. The ones who complain about having to be subservient to their wives' demands are dickless little bitches who deserve what they get. Women run amok in our society because men tuck their dicks between their legs, curl up in a fetal position, and suck their thumbs whenever a woman threatens to get mad. It's a product of the pussification of America. We are a society of men raised by women who never knew anything but being subservient to women. It's fucking pathetic and disgusting.

Jesus Fucking Christ. MB in '12.

[sirion]

This is what you get for marrying a 13 year old.

[StregaHorn]

Why? It's their fault. The ones who complain about having to be subservient to their wives' demands are dickless little bitches who deserve what they get. Women run amok in our society because men tuck their dicks between their legs, curl up in a fetal position, and suck their thumbs whenever a woman threatens to get mad. It's a product of the pussification of America. We are a society of men raised by women who never knew anything but being subservient to women. It's fucking pathetic and disgusting.

Well said.

However, in some cases, the woman doesn't go full out batshit until AFTER the wedding (I have a really good friend this happened to). Then it is cheaper to just put up with it.

[Eastwood22]

Women don't care when you get mad. Why should you care when they get mad?

[Thatboyb]

you were probably going to get a blowjob for going on saturday. i'm just sayin.

you gotta ignore some of these cats. they believe in bros before hoes.

yeah but if you a real man you tell her hell naw and that she better be home in time to give me a BJ after the game.

[r2k3982]

you were probably going to get a blowjob for going on saturday. i'm just sayin.

you gotta ignore some of these cats. they believe in bros before hoes.

yeah but if you a real man you tell her hell naw and that she better be home in time to give me a BJ after the game.

Even the noob knows better than GOTJ.

[Mr. Furley]

GOTJ:

PM me your address. I've got some Josh Groban CD's I'm trying to get rid of. You seem like the perfect candidate.

[burntorangebongos]

you may as well go ahead and divorce her and just start over with a new chick.
you done f'd up the balance of power with this one.