The secret to life is to not actually get married, but to just pretend you're married so you can attract mistresses that do all the dirty little things your "wife" won't do. You can whine and bitch about her to the mistresses, sneak around acting like you might get caught at any second to appease the mistresses' need for adventure/danger, and have all the naughty sex you can handle then just send her home without actually having to worry about getting caught by anyone.
Once said mistress becomes too clingy you send her packing for another one, rinse, and repeat.
I actually kind of stumbled on this by accident. I am married, but am separated and going through a divorce. It felt weird to go without the ring at first since I always wore it so I decided to just keep it on for a week or two then force myself to remove it. Being newly single and alone I found myself being a lot more friendly and talkative with women just in general and forgetting I still had the ring on. That's when I noticed just how many women were receptive and responded well to it, I can't explain the reasoning but all of a sudden I got a few numbers and struck up texting convos with some that found it exciting an wanted to meet up. It's like some sort of adrenaline rush for them.
Last edited by In10se; 02-27-2012 at 11:15 AM.
"Yes, I would like it if you put your tongue in my $#@!. "
Seems like if you're not actually married, your mistress is your girlfriend and your fake married life is your mistress. Or something.
Or maybe it would be awesome. I don't know.
Well $#@!. Bought some new jeans this weekend, stuck them in the wash tonight. Was getting ready to put into dryer but gf's clothes were in it. Started pulling them out to find.....
Last edited by mulletpelini; 02-27-2012 at 11:49 PM. Reason: CHECK YOUR FUCKING POCKETS FIRST !@#$%
god damn dude. that's a 2.25 dollar hand towel too. $#@!!
I DVRed the US v. Italy soccer match this afternoon. Was super stoked to watch it this evening to see what would happen.
Wife: Did you record the US match earlier?
Me: Yep. Pretty excited to see it this evening.
Wife: Well, whatever you do, DO NOT look at Facebook. You don't want to know what happened.
Me: You just told me what happened, jackass. Nobody is gonna give a $#@! if we lost.
What would have been an incredible experience turned into me watching a known outcome.
id be thanking her for saving me a bunch of time watching a 1-0 snooze fest
How about picture frames? We have a kickass collection of brand new, in the box picture frames. Lots and lots of them. Some have been sitting around for a couple of years. I'm still not sure where they're going but I know they're in the way!!!
I think we have more than 100,000 picture frames.
Shall we speak of the madness of gotdamn "throw pillows?"
When they're little girls - through college, from what I remember - they cover their beds with eleventy billion stuffed animals. Then, as adults, they switch to covering the bed with a jillion "throw pillows.". So-called because I have to throw them all on a damned chair in order to go to bed. Her only justification? "They're pretty.". Well, so is a Pom Girl, but she doesn't let me keep one of THOSE on the bed...
This thread has gone from Stupid $#@!, to insane $#@!....
A bird cage with fake birds?!? Actually putting up Frames with the stock photos?!? 100K?
Last edited by BurntEyes; 03-01-2012 at 12:15 PM. Reason: Cause Fernando Rocks, unlike throw pillows.
And then there's Craigslist. I blame Antiques Roadshow. She's forever in search of that million dollar piece of crap she bought for a song at some "estate" sale or whatever.
Finally, I'd like to offer a nice "$#@! You" to TJ Maxx. The only good news there is we always have plenty of throw-away pillows and rugs to use as packing when I get tapped to go pick up some oversized Craigslist turd with my truck.
There is at least one throw pillow on every seat surface in our house, excluding the dining room chairs but including the mother$#@! chairs surrounding the table we have outside on our patio. Yes, they stay out there in the rain, and yes, they are now giant wads of mildew. No matter.
I've tried just sitting on the damn things but they're so goddamn uncomfortable, especially when compared to, you know, THE MOTHER$#@! SEAT CUSHIONS that were designed for $#@!s to sit on. So now I just take the pillows and hurl them across the room.
BECAUSE THEY'RE THROW PILLOWS AMIRITE?
We don't even argue about it any more, my wife just picks them up and replaces them after I leave.
Last edited by STFU Donny; 03-01-2012 at 12:46 PM.
Then, I would say, "They're not dolls!!! They're figures....and they're collectibles!!!!"
Then, she would say, "If they are collectibles, then why don't you sell them?????"
This is why I don't bring up the picture frames....because I want to keep my Star Wars dolls.
Wife and I used to fight (a lot more) about her taking forever and being late. Telling her to hurry up never helped. Nowadays I'll give her about an hour notice, e.g. at 9AM, I'll tell her "We need to leave at 10AM". Give her a few reminders along the way, and at 9:59AM, go out and sit in the car. She'll usually come out by 10:01 at the latest. Being clear on what I want vs. having expectations and getting pissed when expectations are not me. Cut our fights by 50%.
I went to counselling a few years ago for serious anger issues. I figured out 2 of my triggers are: 1) Embarrassment - e.g. being the person that everyone has to wait for; 2) Not getting full value - e.g. paying for a 1 hour massage, and her only getting 40 minutes because she's late. Just knowing those 2 triggers and dealing with my own feelings first instead of taking it out immediately on my wife has helped our marriage. /csb
Now back to regularly scheduled wife bashing.
I've been divorced for a year and a half and I still have residual throw pillows in the house.
Football .. Basketball .. Baseball .. Other Sports .. RC Didn't Offer .. Gamboool
Varsity .. Hole in the Wall .. PCL .. Einstein's .. Nasty's .. GM Steakhouse .. NSAA
Bada Bing .. Can you help me with this? .. Shagslist .. Cloak Room .. Classics .. Bellmont