I came to a strange (comforting?) realization today about life and death

[Longhorn_Fan68]

It occurred to me today that I do not fear my own death, but I do worry about those around me dying. It's a strange place to be. I've reflected on the idea of death and I have come to the conclusion that I don't really dread my own demise - I mean, when we die, we die. But I think about the impact of losing people around me and it's a devastating reality - it too will happen. Hopefully not for a long, long time, but it will happen.

I know that there are people who are all too aware of their own mortality and do everything they can to delay. I guess I don't see the point in living that way. On the other hand, I think it would be disappointing to know that others around me had such a cavalier attitude toward life and death. It's not that I don't value my existence, it may be more that I undervalue my mortality.

As an acute example, Mac's recent tragedy has caused me to reflect a lot on my relationship with my wife and the way we live. We still make lots of mistakes, are mortal beings and are prone to living in a sometimes reckless manner. But in most respects we are intelligent, responsible people. But I don't know where I would be without her. I don't mean that as a romantic notion, more as a matter-of-fact statement. Losing her would be devastating and that notion is more frightening than anything that could happen to me.

I'm not really sure the point of this thread, just that I wanted to get some thoughts written down and maybe get some other perspectives on the subject.

[hookemATL]

Great Post.

To me it is all about love. My family and friends are the most important things in the world to me. I try to remind myself to give as much love to them as possible while also taking the love they give to me and letting that being the driving force behind my actions and, ultimately, my happiness.

Death is very foreign to me as I have not lost someone extremely close to me yet. I know it will happen, and when it does it will be devastating. But I try to tell myself that without that person living and being a part of my life, I would not nearly be the person I am. Once I think about things like that, death, whether it be mine or those that I care for, becomes something much easier to deal with.

[SubliminalHorn]

I don't worry much about my own death. The only thing that worries me about my own death, and I know this will sound a little pompous, is the effect it will have on others, mostly my mom and dad. If I were to die, I foresee my parents not being able to go on. It scares the shit out of me thinking about what could happen. I'm like the therapist of the family. Especially for my mom. If she and my dad are having a fight or something, she usually calls me to talk to. Sometimes I hate it, since it can feel like quite a burden knowing that someone has that much invested in you. Other times I love it knowing that my parents have done so much for me and counseled me when I've needed it, it's the least I can do.

I often think about what I will do when my parents die. It frightens me and I hate when those thoughts creep in my head, but they're there. I'm not sure how I'll deal with them passing, but I know I'll have to since EVERYONE will have to go through it. I guess all we can do is live in there here and now. Tell each other how much they mean to us because life can literally change in the blink of an eye.

[bernorange]

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

[Tasmaniac]

I'm a long-time believer in reincarnation so my own death doesn't frighten me. The death of my loved ones is even eased by this belief to some extent, though it doesn't lessen the pain of parting with them. It just provides a measure of comfort.

Yeah, there may very well be no next life but I subscribe to that simple (possibly naive) "What have I got to lose by believing it?" school of thought.

[Bernard]

I lost a close friend a few months ago. Tragic and shocking at first, but I was sort of amazed at how fast life moves on without the dead.

I don't fear death. I'm pretty sure I won't care when I'm gone. I'm much more afraid of having a crappy life, not that I've ever experienced anything remotely close in my 41 years.

Bernard

[CHIEF]

I am in the same boat, I have no fear whatsoever of death. I fear what kind of devastation my death would cause my family, (wife, son, mother, and father). I also have a fear that they do not have the same fearlessness of death that I do. I can't imagine what it must be like, no, I don't want to imagine what it must be like to be in an airliner crash with your family, sitting there looking at your wife and child knowing they are about to die right along with you. I fear their deaths, not mine.

CHIEF

[jimmyjazz]

I think it's easy not to "fear" death when you're young. The older you get, the more ominous the threat of death becomes. It can be a selfish reaction ("I want to see my children grow up") or an egotistical reaction ("what will they ever do without me?"). I experience both kinds of thoughts far more now at 47 than I did even 6 years ago at the birth of my youngest child.

[tropheus]

I'm going to become a vampire at the most opportune age during my life and take it from there.

seriously, I realized a number of years ago that so long as I really give everything I have and I accomplish a few things I want to do over my life then I will not be afraid about my death. Premature death, though, that would be terrible. Loss of those around me, yep that would be devastating as well. I think about this shit way too much I think.

[cajunhorn]

Relationships, health, pets, parents, spouses, bank accounts, good looks, cool cars, etc, are all impermanent. Everything is on loan. Nothing is "mine". The ego attaches permanency to things and I walk around in fear b/c deep down I know it'll leave. Once I realize the simple truth of this the fear leaves.

People have said to me, "I have the fear of being abandoned" and I say, "You know why? Because it will happen." Suffering comes from the resistance to that truth. The suffering stops when I accept it and become present to right NOW. I think I have a "control" issue. I don't. I have an "illusion" issue. I don't have any control over any of this shit, but I think I do and that is where the pain begins.

This is how I create my own misery.

It's unnecessary.

[Longhorn_Fan68]

Relationships, health, pets, parents, spouses, bank accounts, good looks, cool cars, etc, are all impermanent. Everything is on loan. Nothing is "mine". The ego attaches permanency to things and I walk around in fear b/c deep down I know it'll leave. Once I realize the simple truth of this the fear leaves.

People have said to me, "I have the fear of being abandoned" and I say, "You know why? Because it will happen." Suffering comes from the resistance to that truth. The suffering stops when I accept it and become present to right NOW. I think I have a "control" issue. I don't. I have an "illusion" issue. I don't have any control over any of this shit, but I think I do and that is where the pain begins.

This is how I create my own misery.

It's unnecessary.

I wanna party with you.

[cajunhorn]

I wanna party with you.

I'm hittin' Yellow Rose with some Tibetan Monks later, so c'mon over!

[Longhorn_Fan68]

I'm hittin' Yellow Rose with some Tibetan Monks later, so c'mon over!

you buying? i'm broke as fuck. I could use a good lap dance.

[beer]

I'm a long-time believer in reincarnation so my own death doesn't frighten me. The death of my loved ones is even eased by this belief to some extent, though it doesn't lessen the pain of parting with them. It just provides a measure of comfort.

Yeah, there may very well be no next life but I subscribe to that simple (possibly naive) "What have I got to lose by believing it?" school of thought.

Say hello to Pascal if you see him in Vegas.

[Dolemite]

I don't believe in Death so because of that I don't fear death and I don't grieve for those who die. I do grieve for the loved ones of those who die that lack understanding on the nature of existence. The only thing that bothers me about Death is the fear of dying before accomplishing all the things you could to too make the world a better place. On my death bed by thoughts will reflect on the things I didn't get done. Not what I did.

[Tasmaniac]

Say hello to Pascal if you see him in Vegas.

There is always something unsatisfying about your posts. They seem well-conceived but too ambiguous for those of use who are not privileged to possess such superior wit and insight.

[cajunhorn]

you buying? i'm broke as fuck. I could use a good lap dance.

We'll get to Shamar to spring for it. He's always got some blow in a fanny-pack under his robes.

[MilkmanDan]

There is always something unsatisfying about your posts. They seem well-conceived but too ambiguous for those of use who are not privileged to possess such superior wit and insight.

You're right. One beer never satisfies.

[Tasmaniac]

It never does.

[Brad Wesley]

i fear not accomplishing my life "goal" of taking full advantage of the present while also planning for the future. it's a constant struggle between those two ideas and i feel them tugging at me all the time.

[cajunhorn]

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

~Jack Handey

[threesheets]

I think it's easy not to "fear" death when you're young. The older you get, the more ominous the threat of death becomes. It can be a selfish reaction ("I want to see my children grow up") or an egotistical reaction ("what will they ever do without me?"). I experience both kinds of thoughts far more now at 47 than I did even 6 years ago at the birth of my youngest child.

Every bit of that. And not a day goes by where it doesn't bother me for at least a minute or too, which has got to be unhealthy. I just turned 35. I have a 4 year old and one due in March.

[Grendel]

Death. It's coming closer. ... My uncle talked about it once and claimed he was quoting Marcus Aurelius. He said that "at some point it's time to get off the boat." ... I think he must have committed suicide because we didn't know he died until a couple of weeks after the fact. There was no funeral. My dad, his brother of course, was pissed. Think about the people you leave behind. Make your peace with people before you go.

[Used2b]

My main 'fear' about my own death is leaving my kids while they are still young.

[NeverMarryAStripper]

The only thing I fear about death is leaving my two youngest in the care of the ex. I've pretty much made my peace and experienced everything in life that I wanted to (except seeing Texas play in the CWS in person, that was on the schedule for this year). In fact, if it wasn't for my two little ones, this last ex probably would have caused me to hasten my journey to the next plane of existence. Meanwhile, for the time being I will spend my life working to support my kids and spending what time I can with them. And of course spending my free time chasing strippers.

[MissingInAction]

Bunny: You know Junior, some of the things we've done, man... I don't feel like we've done something wrong. Sometimes, man... I get this bad feeling. I told the padre the truth man, I like it here. Get to do what you want, nobody fucks with you. The only worry you got is dying. And if that happens you won't know about it anyway. So what the fuck man?

I worry about my mutt a bit, but I have so many offers for her just about every day that I know she's cool if I go before her. That dog knows how to work a crowd, no doubt.

Then you read cajun's post, which is the only real truth in life. That also can be summed up by two simple words:
"Shit happens."

I'm going through some shit now that 10, even 5 years ago would have sent me careening down a path of self destruction. Just because some shit happened. Love what you got while you got it, but don't worry about it when it's gone. Another of my favorite quotes ,
"You have to let go of a branch to grab onto the next one."

[cajunhorn]

Bunny: You know Junior, some of the things we've done, man... I don't feel like we've done something wrong. Sometimes, man... I get this bad feeling. I told the padre the truth man, I like it here. Get to do what you want, nobody fucks with you. The only worry you got is dying. And if that happens you won't know about it anyway. So what the fuck man?

I worry about my mutt a bit, but I have so many offers for her just about every day that I know she's cool if I go before her. That dog knows how to work a crowd, no doubt.

Then you read cajun's post, which is the only real truth in life. That also can be summed up by two simple words:
"Shit happens."

I'm going through some shit now that 10, even 5 years ago would have sent me careening down a path of self destruction. Just because some shit happened. Love what you got while you got it, but don't worry about it when it's gone. Another of my favorite quotes ,
"You have to let go of a branch to grab onto the next one."

Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy. Ain't nuthin' like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500.

[MissingInAction]

Relationships, health, pets, parents, spouses, bank accounts, good looks, cool cars, etc, are all impermanent. Everything is on loan. Nothing is "mine". The ego attaches permanency to things and I walk around in fear b/c deep down I know it'll leave. Once I realize the simple truth of this the fear leaves.

People have said to me, "I have the fear of being abandoned" and I say, "You know why? Because it will happen." Suffering comes from the resistance to that truth. The suffering stops when I accept it and become present to right NOW. I think I have a "control" issue. I don't. I have an "illusion" issue. I don't have any control over any of this shit, but I think I do and that is where the pain begins.

This is how I create my own misery.

It's unnecessary.

Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy. Ain't nuthin' like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500.

Ok, TWO truths.

[ousuxndallas]

Good post.

I believe this time on Earth is but a mere sliver in my eternal life. What I do here in actuality really won't amount to a hill of beans given that perspective on time. With the exception of how I impact those around me (family, friends, etc.). It's my job to love, forgive, teach, and love. I have trouble with most of those tasks.

So I got that going for me...which is nice.

[TheTexasHammer]

I don't believe the OP. I think he fears death. It is the myth of bravery that anyone is or feels brave. The truth is that no one feels that way.

[Macanudo]

My main 'fear' about my own death is leaving my kids while they are still young.

Bingo. Obviously, my situation is different than others but the thought of my girls having to grow up without either parent terrifies me.

[Longhorn_Fan68]

I don't believe the OP. I think he fears death. It is the myth of bravery that anyone is or feels brave. The truth is that no one feels that way.

Why do you say that? I will readily admit at times I fear pain, but in other regards I relish. What about my original post makes you think I was not being genuine, or at the very least truthful? Or maybe you think I'm lying to myself. If I am, I'm aware of it.

[MissingInAction]

I don't believe the OP. I think he fears death. It is the myth of bravery that anyone is or feels brave. The truth is that no one feels that way.

Wow, project much? I know for fucking sure I don't fear it. Not in the least. I'd welcome it if I knew it was inevitable. That's a lot different than fighting for your life when there's a chance. Isn't that what we all do every day? Fight for our lives? Whether it's internal , external, merely making it home through a tropical storm, it's a daily struggle.

If anything I fear a car accident where I don't die, yet become an invalid.

[Longhorn_Fan68]

Wow, project much? I know for fucking sure I don't fear it. Not in the least. I'd welcome it if I knew it was inevitable. That's a lot different than fighting for your life when there's a chance. Isn't that what we all do every day? Fight for our lives? Whether it's internal , external, merely making it home through a tropical storm, it's a daily struggle.

If anything I fear a car accident where I don't die, yet become an invalid.

dude, ain't that the truth?

[MissingInAction]

And Mr Hammer brings up a good point, however unintentional. I have always noticed a correlation of those who live in fear with very conservative beliefs. Fear of change being at the forefront. I suppose it's related somehow..
My brain hurts, time for meditation.

[Rocko20]

The only thing that bothers me about Death is the fear of dying before accomplishing all the things you could to too make the world a better place. On my death bed by thoughts will reflect on the things I didn't get done. Not what I did.

This describes me as well. I don't fear death because I can't prevent it. What I do fear is not accomplishing everything I've set out to do. Theres like an internal time-clock inside my head of the things I must do before I leave this earth.

[slorch]

I don't fear dying, because I have lived my life preparing for it.

My family has no doubts about the way I feel about them. For some people, I am too candid in discussing my feelings, but I think this is our duty to one another if you truly love someone. Too many folks worry about upsetting others- what about the regret you have when that person is gone?

My biggest concern right now is that i want more than just about anything on this earth for my kids to grow up with both their mom and dad there to support and raise them. They are old enough now to know what my values are, but they are just getting close to the ages where we will have those adult father-son relationships that I never got to have with my dad. I am so looking forward to that, and I want it for them, too.

I want to grow old with my wife. If one of us passes early, I understand that life(death) happens, but her companionship and watching our boys develop in their lives is something we enjoy so much today and look forward to down the road. I know that both of us have had the impact on our families, that they would know not to mourn us, but celebrate the life we got to live.

[MissingInAction]

Thats cool slorch, nice to get a perspective from that of a family man. Brings up a great point of how your position in life changes your perspective on death.

[MC Fresh Breath]

I think it's easy not to "fear" death when you're young. The older you get, the more ominous the threat of death becomes. It can be a selfish reaction ("I want to see my children grow up") or an egotistical reaction ("what will they ever do without me?"). I experience both kinds of thoughts far more now at 47 than I did even 6 years ago at the birth of my youngest child.

Every bit of that. And not a day goes by where it doesn't bother me for at least a minute or too, which has got to be unhealthy. I just turned 35. I have a 4 year old and one due in March.

This, for the most part. I cared a lot less before being 40 with a 14 month old and one on the way. It has been said a billion times, but being a parent completely changes your perspective. And Jimmy nails the points of view.
And there is a part of me that really hates not seeing how things are going to be in the future. I think it would be really great if right before your time was up, you got this great vision of how the world looks for the next thousand years.

[jimmyjazz]

I think it would be really great if right before your time was up, you got this great vision of how the world looks for the next thousand years.

Maybe we do. (Or more likely, right after our time is up.)

[slorch]

Remember when Dallas Cowboys Weekly, or maybe it was the Tom Landry Show, whatever, but they watched the previous weeks game film highlights and would rewind and play back and forth over the same play a couple times to get the details on the old crotchety projector?

I've always wondered kind of "tongue in cheek" with God if we're going to watch that film after I pass. Hey, Slorch, see this, where you made your momma cry? That was jacked up!

[cajunhorn]

After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, 'Hey, old buddy, how's it going'?

[cajunhorn]

Remember when Dallas Cowboys Weekly, or maybe it was the Tom Landry Show, whatever, but they watched the previous weeks game film highlights and would rewind and play back and forth over the same play a couple times to get the details on the old crotchety projector?

I've always wondered kind of "tongue in cheek" with God if we're going to watch that film after I pass. Hey, Slorch, see this, where you made your momma cry? That was jacked up!

I hope he doesn't hit the rewind then play button as often as Tom did. That shit drove me crazy!

[fawnknutsen]

I don't believe the OP. I think he fears death. It is the myth of bravery that anyone is or feels brave. The truth is that no one feels that way.

Being brave and feeling brave are two completely separate things. Bravery is acting in spite of fear, not being fearless.

My view on death is a combination of cajun's and slorch's. That's something I never thought I'd type. Life and everything in it is tenuous and impermanent. How we behave is important because it is the only thing we can control. Like slorch, I think I could die knowing that the people in my life know how I feel about them and know that I've tried to do right by them.

[Macanudo]

Remember when Dallas Cowboys Weekly, or maybe it was the Tom Landry Show, whatever, but they watched the previous weeks game film highlights and would rewind and play back and forth over the same play a couple times to get the details on the old crotchety projector?

I've always wondered kind of "tongue in cheek" with God if we're going to watch that film after I pass. Hey, Slorch, see this, where you made your momma cry? That was jacked up!

I'm more worried he'll show my prostrate cancer prevention efforts to my parents.

[Brisketexan]

Relationships, health, pets, parents, spouses, bank accounts, good looks, cool cars, etc, are all impermanent. Everything is on loan. Nothing is "mine". The ego attaches permanency to things and I walk around in fear b/c deep down I know it'll leave. Once I realize the simple truth of this the fear leaves.

People have said to me, "I have the fear of being abandoned" and I say, "You know why? Because it will happen." Suffering comes from the resistance to that truth. The suffering stops when I accept it and become present to right NOW. I think I have a "control" issue. I don't. I have an "illusion" issue. I don't have any control over any of this shit, but I think I do and that is where the pain begins.

This is how I create my own misery.

It's unnecessary.

If I were to write my autobiography today, the bolded text would be the opening paragraph.

I am the MASTER of expecting to/trying to control the universe. It WILL bend to my will, if only my effort and will is strong enough. If I bang against that brick wall one more time, REALLY HARD, I will break through it. I will dominate the universe, and it will submit to my will. It will happen. It must. At least, I act as if it must.

The odd thing is that this temperment is in some way part of what makes me good at what I do professionally. I make things happen. I take charge. I drive the bus, so to speak. My job is to alter the course of the universe with regard to the specific matter before me (often in the face of fierce resistance), and I usually do so with some measure of success.

On the personal level, however, it is not in any way a recipe for success. I DO find myself awake at night, in a cold sweat over the very concept of my son (who is only 7 years old right now) dying in a car wreck, or living his dream of being a fighter pilot and going down on a training flight. Or of my 9 yr old daughter falling off a cliff while hiking, or drowning in the surf. Or of my wife dying in a car wreck on her way to a wedding in Dripping Springs. Or maybe I'm thinking about our finances, both short and long term -- how WILL we pay for college? What happens if we need to buy a new car next month? I MUST control these things. Yet because of their very nature, I cannot answer the end question -- HOW? With no answer, I am left with just the fear.

FEAR. It can dominate your worldview. Now, fear is an excellent motivator. Fear gets shit done. Fear gets me working harder, earning more money and a more secure future. Fear pushes me to make some safer choices for my family. But it also gnaws a hole in my gut, its jagged teeth relentlessly tearing away any temporary sense of peace that I might have inside me.

I am driven. I am relentless. I am terrified. And the hell of it is, I am cognizant of it all, and recognize the self-destructive course for what it is. I know how I SHOULD feel and act, on a rational level. But knowing and doing are of course two entirely different things. Do I fear death? Hell yeah, put it in the "fear bucket" over there. It's the one that's overflowing.

[MissingInAction]

Brisket, you must let go. Easy for me to say. You are only you. You, and that is it. Your children are ripples in the water which you have begun.